Becoming Your Child’s Advocate

When your child struggles in school, it hurts. It hurts them; they may feel stupid and ashamed. It hurts your family; the stress felt can negatively impact your interactions at home over bad grades or consistent notes sent home from teachers. Your child needs you to become their advocate. They need you to see through the difficult times and work toward better times. Your child needs you to find out what they need to succeed and to fight to make sure they receive it. Your child may not be able to tell you all of this, but they need it just the same. 

School systems can be daunting, especially for those parents that have not been exposed to meetings with school personnel, guidance counselors or a room full of teachers. Parents may feel intimidated. They may feel that educational professionals know what their child needs and feel they cannot effectively disagree with them.  But teachers and other school personnel do not always know what is best. Teachers do not know your children like you do, you are the expert on your child. Your concerns and questions are valid. Your input and ideas are needed. 

Whether you already have special services and accommodations in place or you are just starting, the first step to becoming your child’s advocate is to learn and understand the laws surrounding special services for children in schools. There are two federal laws that mandate schools to provide accommodations, services or special education to students in need. It would be beneficial for parents to become familiar with these laws to determine where their child might fit in: 

Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA)  

This law ensures services for children with disabilities and governs how educational institutes implement services to provide a free and appropriate education for all children with disabilities. For more information on IDEA: http://idea.ed.gov 

Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act 

This law protects the rights of individuals with disabilities.  The law requires school districts to “provide a free and appropriate public education to each qualified person with a disability who is in the school district’s jurisdiction, regardless of the nature or severity of the person’s disability.” (U.S. Department of Education: http://www.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/docs/edlite-FAPE504.html) 

While you are learning about the laws governing special needs children, you should also set up an appointment with your child’s teacher. Be prepared at this meeting with a number of questions so that you can determine exactly where your child is having problems. Ask the teacher to share examples of behaviors that are causing concern or where your child is struggling. Ask about what informal steps have been taken to try to correct the situation or to provide your child with extra assistance. Offer some suggestions on what the teacher and the school might do to help your child be successful in school. Take notes during this meeting so that you do not forget anything. Write down what the teacher has said and what arrangements you have made together, for example, if you and the teacher have come up with a communication system, write it down. 

Keep this meeting with the teacher positive and remember that it is a sharing of information. The teacher can provide you with information on how your child is doing in the classroom and you can share with the teacher insights into your child and their strengths and weaknesses. You are working to create a relationship with the teacher. Education is always more effective when parents and teachers work together as a team. 

Before ending the meeting, set some specific goals. Make sure both you and the teacher will be able to measure your child’s progress. Set up a follow up meeting for the following month to discuss how your child is doing and if there are additional strategies that can be implemented. After the meeting, send the teacher an email or a letter outlining what was discussed and strategies that you both have agreed to implement. This will help you document your efforts. 

Begin a journal where you can track your child’s progress. In this journal, write down your child’s strengths and weaknesses. List areas where your child excels and areas in which your child needs extra assistance.  As you observe your child during homework and in social settings, write them down. Keep in mind that you want to track the positive as well as the struggles. As you work to help your child, write down what has worked and what does not. 

Gather evidence to support your thoughts. Keep notes that have been sent home from the teacher, tests and document conversations with school personnel on your child’s academic progress, social skills and behavior. Request copies of assessments, evaluations and any other reports from the school and keep these with your documentation.  You will want to have copies of any diagnosis that your child has received, be sure to forward these to the school and keep a copy with your documentation. 

At your follow up meeting with the teacher, bring along your journal to share what you have observed during the month. Calmly discuss your ongoing concerns and talk about what strategies have worked over the past few weeks.  After the meeting, once again send the teacher an email or a letter outlining your meeting and the outcome. Keep a copy of your letter in your journal. 

If you do not feel that the teacher is being cooperative or is not willing to help, set up a meeting with the principal of the school.  At this meeting, talk about your child and ideas to help your child succeed. Stay away from criticizing the teacher. Many principals will become defensive if your meeting becomes a complaint session.  If you stay focused on helping your child, the principal will be more receptive. Be as clear as possible on what you want the school to do. The more specific your requests, the more able the school is to determine whether they will be able to accommodate your requests.  Take notes during the meeting.  Once again, write a letter after the meeting outlining your requests and the school’s decisions.  Add this letter to your growing journal. 

If you have a Section 504 or IEP ( Individualized Education Program) for your child, remind teachers that they are required to follow what has been outlined in either of these. Document how a teacher is not following the Section 504 or IEP. Send a copy of the letter to both the teacher and the principal.  

If necessary, request a meeting with the IEP team to discuss your concerns and to reiterate the importance of the accommodations and services outlined and agreed to by the school district. 

If your child does not have either a Section 504 or IEP, consider requesting an evaluation to determine if they are eligible to receive services under either of these federal laws.  This request must be in writing. The school has a set amount of time to follow up on your request and let you know whether they feel your child is eligible for special services and if not, why they have declined your request.  

Throughout this process, stay calm. Although it is easy to become frustrated during the process, it is important to keep emotions at bay. If you remain professional and treat teachers and other school personnel with respect, then they will be more willing to work with you.  Being an advocate for your child requires you to stand your ground, to determine what would be best for your child and would contribute to their success. It does not mean that you must be argumentative or complain about everything the school does not do exactly right. Just as you should provide positive reinforcement by highlighting your child’s successes, you should let the school and teachers know that you appreciate their efforts. 

By Eileen Bailey

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