Dealing with Temper Tantrums

All children have temper tantrums from time to time. No matter how difficult or challenging the tantrum may be, often they are a normal part of childhood development. 

Why Children Have Tantrums 

Young children have not yet developed coping skills. They may not know how to explain their frustrations in words. They have not yet learned how to contain or control their emotions. When children are tired or hungry, tantrums can increase. 

In addition, if children receive feedback and are rewarded when they have a tantrum, they may continue to do so. Parents that give in to a child’s wants in order to stop a tantrum are actually working to increase the number (and intensity) of tantrums. 

Preventing Tantrums 

Sometimes it is possible to see the warning signs for tantrums. Parents may notice that tantrums occur most frequently at a certain time of day or after a certain situation happens. Many parents know that when their child has not eaten well or did not sleep well the night before, tantrums are more apt to happen. Watching your child’s behavior during these times may help you to prevent a tantrum before it begins. 

Some tips to help you prevent a tantrum: 

• Find a different activity to distract your child from what is frustrating for him or her.

• Depending on your child’s age, you can use humor to help them laugh and to help them better deal with their frustration.

• Remove your child from the situation and find a quiet place to talk. Speaking softly will help them calm down. Giving them a hug will help them feel safe and secure.

• Talk to your child often about feelings and help them learn to express their emotions in words, rather than in actions. Encourage them to tell you how they are feeling.

• Provide your child with a choice to help them gain control of the situation.

• Follow a daily routine. Make sure your child is getting enough sleep at night and provide healthy food choices.

• Provide opportunities for daily activity. Children should have time to move around, run or other physical activity.

What to Do During a Tantrum 

Even the best preventive measures cannot prevent every tantrum. There may still be times your child screams and kicks, having a full-blown tantrum. This is difficult at home, even more difficult to handle when you are in public and your embarrassment is added to the mix.  Giving in to the tantrum will show your child that their behavior worked; they can have a tantrum in public to get what they want. 

Tips to control a tantrum: 

• A tantrum often scares a child and makes them feel out of control. Parents should remain calm, high emotions from the parent can only fuel the tantrum.

• For young children, place the child on your lap and hug them until the tantrum is over. This helps the child feel more secure and may decrease the length of the tantrum.

• Use a time-out. Most experts believe time outs should be one minute for each year. For example, if your child is 4 years old, a time out should be 4 minutes long.

• If your child is lying on the floor in the middle of the aisle, simply pick them up and move to a quieter location until the tantrum has subsided.

• For older children, ignoring the tantrum may work. Some older children have tantrums to get attention, when they don’t receive it, the tantrum might end.

After the Tantrum 

Once the tantrum is over, calmly talk with your child about what happened. Encourage them to use words to describe how they felt and the actions leading up to the tantrum. This will help them be better prepared to explain themselves the next time a situation comes up. Remember, tantrums do end, as children get older.

By Eileen Bailey

See Also:

Five Ways to Improve Your Relationship With Your Child

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